Monday, March 15, 2004
 
You Should Know

You should know that none of this is about you; at least not the parts that seem as if they might be negative or judgmental in any way.

Learning

To believe you are magnificent. And gradually to discover that you are not magnificent.
Enough labor for one human life.

Confessions of Striving

To get up in the morning and go to work, to be bound to people by the ties of love, friendship or opposition - and all the time knowing it is meanwhile and make-believe. I have a hope that is permanent and real, and strong enough to make me impatient with living. I am to catch now, in a minute - to catch what? A magic formula which contains all the truth about existence. I am to brush my teeth and it is just there; I am to take a shower and practically pronounce it; had I not taken a bus, it would have revealed itself, and so on all day long. Waking up at night, I felt myself working toward it through a thin curtain, but then, in that striving, I would fall asleep.

I do not regard kindly this affliction of mine. I agree with the opinion that I should be here - entirely present, in a given place and moment, attentive to the needs of those who are close to me, and fulfilling expectations. To think that they are meanwhile and that I am practicing make-believe with them is harmful to all, yet, I am unable to renounce the thought that, really, I have no more time for life with them.

Judgment

The consequences of my actions. Completely unknown, for every one of them enters into a multifaceted relation with circumstances and with the actions of others. An absolutely efficient computer could show me, with correction for accidents, of course, for how else to calculate the direction taken by a billiard ball after it strikes another? Besides, it is permissable to maintain that nothing happens by accident. Be that as it may, standing before a perfectly computerized balance sheet of my life (the last judgment), I must be astonished: Can it be that I am responsible for so much evil done against my will? And here, on the other scale, so much good I did not intend and of which, I was not aware?


- posted by -g @ 9:42 PM | | 0 rocks in pond



0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Archives:
September 2002| October 2002| November 2002| December 2002| January 2003| February 2003| March 2003| April 2003| May 2003| June 2003| July 2003| September 2003| earlyOctober 2003 | October 2003 | November 2003 | December 2003 | January 2004 | February 2004 | March 2004 | April 2004 | May 2004 | June 2004 | July 2004 | August 2004 | September 2004 | October 2004 | November 2004 | December 2004 | January 2005 | February 2005 | March 2005 | April 2005 | May 2005 | June 2005 | July 2005 | August 2005 | September 2005 | October 2005 | November 2005 | December 2005 | January 2006 | February 2006 | March 2006 | April 2006 | June 2006 | August 2006 | September 2006 | October 2006 | December 2006 | January 2007 | March 2007 | May 2007 | June 2007 | August 2007 | October 2007 | February 2008 | April 2008 | May 2008