Sunday, May 16, 2004
Lately I have been questioning my faith. I found it hard to believe, to let so much go and simply believe. I was questioning death. What if there is nothing? What if what I am working towards all my life, that paradise, that goodness, that light, is nothing? What if it turns out that I am not destined to go there? What if what I believe turns out to be the wrong thing in order to achieve that paradise and all the misdirected end up in the exact place they were all trying to avoid? So much doubt, so many questions to which no one can ever know the answers, and I found that to be quite a scary prospect. I'm investing my whole being in something that I or anyone else can never be sure of.
And then this morning something fell out of the pocket of a skirt I hadn't worn for weeks as I was doing the laundry. My rosary that I thought I had lost, the rosary I was given as a gift, the rosary I plan to give in the future as a gift. I had prayed I would find it as it means so much to me. I know it is just a rosary, but this was the one I carry on my wrist every day as a reminder of my faith. Lo and behold, St. Anthony never lets me down. How I ever doubted God and the power of faith, I can see plainly. It is a shot in the dark, unknown and uncharted. But it took that small sign to help me let go again.
- posted by Allie @ 12:30 PM | | 0 rocks in pond
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