Thank you Bruce. Your studies bless us all. I hear voices, and in regards to your last post, one of the voices asks: What does that look like?
Cathy - you are much on my mind. Are you well? What are you doing? Send pictures.
Some time ago, I introduced to this small community - my cobbler - Greg. He is a man full of wisdom and joy and peace and dread? Perhaps not dread now. I was touched with dread a bit ago. It debilitated me. I manufactured many reasons for why it was with me. Perhaps it was simply a gift from God so I would know my wife's suffering better. Perhaps God was reminding me that he is my refuge and stronghold, and help will come from no other place. Perhaps it was many things. In my weakness, I called to a number of people for prayer support. I felt those prayers. I felt them deeply. The dread left me, and I felt a bit embarrassed by my foolish weakness. I am grateful for my friends. I am grateful for you. Greg sent me an encouraging word in my dark time. It went like this:
Dean, Just finished the first wave of intercession on your behalf, It contained this,
"........remember, Lord, one of my all-time favorite Human-Beings, Dean.........."
It may be of little consolation, but the feeling of pending doom has been my constant companion for the last three years. It's more like a certain collision course on a curvy highway, I know it's coming, but I don't know around which corner we shall meet. I don't exactly live in fear of it, I'm mostly just watching out for it.
Sometimes I think it's some kind of test of my faith, He says "Trust Me in the darkness regardless of the consequences" and my feeble response is usually, "if You could just give me some inkling of an escape route, some bit of light, something I could be sure of." That is of course an automatic F on the test.
So, brother, I'll pray for you what I pray for myself (all my prayers end up like this anyway) for the courage and/or the humility to trust Him in the darkness.
Please stay in touch Greg
Greg is a selfless man. A holy man. He recently was diagnosed with bone cancer. This has altered much for him, his family and all of us who know and love him. When I first heard the news, I walked around doing meaningless things like moving salt shakers on tables or adjusting chairs to line up visually with the edges of tables. I moved curtains to the left and then back to the right again. I was computing this man's removal from my life and what it meant. I was shaken and saddened - again for myself more than anything - I am immature that way. My wife is a researcher, and she researched the details of the illness. She also baked him a cheese cake. She is a good baker. After things settled down a bit, and we all searched our hearts for bearing, Greg contacted me again:
you and I really had a strangely-charged little exchange of emails, complete with foretelling, portents and the Mystical. You felt pending doom, and I felt it with you, so we prayed for each other. But then I lost all my footing, the pavement became Jell-O, and now I'm eating the magnificent cheesecake Ann made, instead of you!
So, my pending doom has been revealed. But what about your pending doom? I prayed that you were mistaken, and it wasn't doom after all. Not many men can search their conscience and find it clean! I certainly cannot. Please let me know if there has been any resolution for you Dean.
Please stop in any time, my new status is RETIRED. I'm just home all day, sometimes I go to the clinic for chemotherapy, so it's usually best to call first and check the schedule, most of the various medical appointments are in the morning. I've got a pretty nice little setup here, computer workstation etc. I would also like to have your advice, opinion, comments and perhaps collaboration on an Art exhibit our new church is planning, "New Christian Icons". We are going to paint and exhibit Orthodox Icons and try to reinterpret all that symbolism without losing the Icons chief purpose, to bring us into the prescence of the living God. Yes, Christians making art for the Church!
Brother, I look forward to seeing you. I love you and your amazing family,
Greg (ps. 18:1)
I have invited Greg to share with us here. I hope he does. He has much to share. As do you.